Nothing Works
by Xelan
Summary: Albus has always meddled in things that were none of his business, but now he finds himself in over his head in the face of Fate and Hermione Granger. Meddle not in the affairs of Hermione Granger, for you are old and have a heart condition. H/Hr.


Nothing Works

by Xelan (a die-hard Harmonian)

Dislaimer: I own nothing. All recognizable characters are owned by their respective owners.

"Albus? What's wrong?"

"He's bankrupting me, Minerva. Every single bloody day he proposes to Miss Granger and every day I have to obliviate him and buy his new engagement ring from him."

"Buy, Albus?"

He grumbled from his desk, "Goblin made - taking one without fair repayment leads to an unsightly condition - the shriveling of certain body parts I am most attached to".

"Why, Albus? Why must you interfere in what is obviously a fated match?"

His frustration making him surprisingly candid, his worried exhaustion making him uncommonly stupid, "Because I promised Molly that Ginny could have him when he came of age"

"Promised?"

"Unbreakable vow," he whimpered.

"Oh Albus. I worried you were becoming horribly senile, but I didn't think you were that far gone."

"I know. Sad isn't it? I've tried everything. Confundus charms, love potions, hypnotic suggestions, animal pheromones, scented candles, and curious oedipal comparisons between Ginny Weasley and Lily Potter - NOTHING WORKS! He absolutely will NOT have anything to do with Ginny for more than a few minutes and then he goes off to propose to Hermione. Every single day without fail, sometimes twice, and its been going on since he met her on the train. I tell you, Minerva, I don't think I can keep this up, I've only just barely gotten him started on the TriWizard deathtrap and I can't plot clearly if I have to keep track of his every waking hour!"

"You do realize some bonded pairs can communicate in dreams and that Lily and James Potter were both capable of it by 5th year?"

Dumbledore's head was rhythmically impacting his large oak desk. "Noooooooo.... I like sleep. Counting goats is so soothing - well that and dreaming of Gellert...."

"I don't agree with your plan nor with your methods, but academically speaking, why not marry Miss Granger off to someone else?"

"Tried that. None of my methods work on her either. I even tried ejecting her from Hogwarts but she JUST - KEEPS - COMING - BACK! Wards don't stop her, illusions and locked doors can't keep her out and no matter what I do she keeps ending up at Harry's side and helping him. A bullet I fired at her was incinerated by a bolt of lightning out of the clear, bluish-grey sky for Merlin's sake!"

"Muggle weapons, Albus? You know we're forbidden to use such things."

"I know, I know... its just that I'm so very tired and my vault is starting to look so very empty and I... wait a moment, Minerva. What's that on your ring finger?"

"Why, Albus, I'm surprised at you. Did you really think that it would take 5 whole years for us to starting proposing in our dreams? Or that I couldn't brew another batch of polyjuice after succeeding two years previous?" The Minerva doppleganger smirked as she began to shrink and shift, rapidly resuming her normal form. Harry stepped out of the shadowed stairwell to join her. "In answer to your question, Headmaster, it's my wedding ring. The last couple you stopped was Ron and Ginny under polyjuice. Gretna is so very lovely this time of year"

Dumbledore shot up to his feet in shock just before clutching his chest and keeling over.

Huh. I guess Ragnok was right - weak heart. The shock that Dumbles had no idea we could communicate in our dreams did him in. After everything he's done I'm glad we had a power he knew not, because if he had tried any harder to keep us apart I might have had to classify him as a dark lord and try to kill him too. Thankfully we still only have the one to deal with.

Hermione nodded in agreement and yanked Harry's head down for a long awaited kiss.

In a vault in Gringotts, a fledgling dragon hiccupped and belched flames onto an antique cup - screams followed though the cup suffered no damage

In a house in little Hangleton, a largeish meteor impacted on an old shack - leaving a crater 400 meters across. Surprisingly, no one was hurt though some people claim they hurt an anguished wail shortly after the impact. 

In a cave guarded by Inferi, a previously undiscovered underwater volcano opened a lava tube into the cavern. A stone basin cracked then shattered and everything contained in it was consumed.

In Grimmauld Place, Sirius Black donated an old locket to a new muggle recycling center. The locket met Mr. State-of-the-Art smelting furnace and melted with a cry of anguish.

In the come and go room, Karkaroff was showing young Viktor how to cast fiendfyre in a secretive environment. When Viktor accidentally let the fiendfyre get away from him, Karkaroff's last thoughts were 'You better not lose!' and 'why did I hear my master scream?'

Outside Riddle Manor, a large snake was being eaten by a large hippogriff that bore a striking resemblance to two other officially Ministry recognized hippogriffs by the name of Witherwings and Buckbeak.


End file.
